Friday, July 11, 2008
Check Him Out
The Common Man invites you all to join him at his new website, www.the-common-man.com. Come one, come all for the reboot and the expansion pack.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Serious News and Pithy Comments
Just wanted to see if you were paying attention. By the thundering silence inspired by The Common Man's absence, he assumes you were all struck mute (or the typing equivalent) by his refusal to show up on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week. Cowboy up, readers.
The Common Man was conspicuously absent because, frankly, he didn't feel very well for a few days there. He was not sick, mind you, for The Common Man does not get sick. But he had the stuffy nose, cough, and general achiness that mere mortals would associate with the flu or a cold, but which, in him were not signs of any kind of illness. Just so you're clear.
In the meantime, here's what's happened while The Common Man has convalesced:
If you think the U.S. has problems with it's border security, you should check out the border between Egypt and Israel, where upwards of 50,000 Palestinians poured through a hole they had just blown through the security wall to go shopping in Egypt. The Common Man cannot imagine what kind of sale must have been going on at the Egyptian malls for this kind of Exodus. It's not even the day after Thanksgiving.
Presidential candidates thankfully keep bowing out, meaning that debates become less crowded and candidates have the chance to talk more. Dennis Kucinich bowed out just today, far earlier than he did in 2004. He joins Joe Biden, Chris Dodd, Fred Thompson, Duncan Hunter, and Tom Tancredo among candidates The Common Man knows about. Thompson, of course, withdrew two days ago after taking forever to decide to get in the race, skipping fundraisers, and speaking very, very slowly for several months. The Common Man wonders if Thompson didn't really drop out after Iowa, but that it took a month, between his reluctance to hold events and his slow talking, for him to get around to telling everyone. Anyway, fear not, you can still have a Ron Paul/Mike Gravel November crazy-off to look forward to.
Heath Ledger's death is sad, of course, because he was young and he leaves behind a daughter. The most profound impact this will have on The Common Man, however, will be making The Dark Knight even creepier.
Finally, in news that should have happened a long time ago, truly messed up singer Amy Winehouse has decided to go back to rehab. Winehouse was filmed smoking a glass pipe commonly associated with smoking crack, the other day, perhaps signalling that she is in some kind of distress. As for The Boy, when asked if he wanted to go to rehab, he still shook his head "no, no, no." (bonus points if you get that joke. by the way, will Winehouse ever be able to sing her one hit again, now that she actually has gone back to rehab? Is it now invalid? Thoughts?)
The Common Man was conspicuously absent because, frankly, he didn't feel very well for a few days there. He was not sick, mind you, for The Common Man does not get sick. But he had the stuffy nose, cough, and general achiness that mere mortals would associate with the flu or a cold, but which, in him were not signs of any kind of illness. Just so you're clear.
In the meantime, here's what's happened while The Common Man has convalesced:
If you think the U.S. has problems with it's border security, you should check out the border between Egypt and Israel, where upwards of 50,000 Palestinians poured through a hole they had just blown through the security wall to go shopping in Egypt. The Common Man cannot imagine what kind of sale must have been going on at the Egyptian malls for this kind of Exodus. It's not even the day after Thanksgiving.
Presidential candidates thankfully keep bowing out, meaning that debates become less crowded and candidates have the chance to talk more. Dennis Kucinich bowed out just today, far earlier than he did in 2004. He joins Joe Biden, Chris Dodd, Fred Thompson, Duncan Hunter, and Tom Tancredo among candidates The Common Man knows about. Thompson, of course, withdrew two days ago after taking forever to decide to get in the race, skipping fundraisers, and speaking very, very slowly for several months. The Common Man wonders if Thompson didn't really drop out after Iowa, but that it took a month, between his reluctance to hold events and his slow talking, for him to get around to telling everyone. Anyway, fear not, you can still have a Ron Paul/Mike Gravel November crazy-off to look forward to.
Heath Ledger's death is sad, of course, because he was young and he leaves behind a daughter. The most profound impact this will have on The Common Man, however, will be making The Dark Knight even creepier.
Finally, in news that should have happened a long time ago, truly messed up singer Amy Winehouse has decided to go back to rehab. Winehouse was filmed smoking a glass pipe commonly associated with smoking crack, the other day, perhaps signalling that she is in some kind of distress. As for The Boy, when asked if he wanted to go to rehab, he still shook his head "no, no, no." (bonus points if you get that joke. by the way, will Winehouse ever be able to sing her one hit again, now that she actually has gone back to rehab? Is it now invalid? Thoughts?)
Friday, January 18, 2008
Send Out the Clowns
Most of you understand, The Common Man is certain, that clowns are not cool. Sadly, while seemingly everyone knows this instinctively, there has never been enough evidence to formally prove that, indeed, clowns suck and everyone knows it. And so, every day in this great nation, thousands of Americans put on facepaint, big shoes, and rainbow suspenders and call themselves Coco, or Dummo, or Bill O'Reilly and generally annoy the piss out of everyone they meet in the name of "entertainment" and "making people happy." The Common Man has long wished for ammunition to wave in the face of these white devils, telling them to scram before they disturb The Boy.
Thankfully, according to this Reuters article, researchers at Sheffield University, in England, has done a study into clowns, clowning, and the overall effectiveness of clowns. Finally, there is scientific evidence that, indeed, clowns suck. In a survey of 250 patients, ages 4 to 16, in British hospitals, not one child claimed to like clowns. Penny Curtis (The Common Man loves British names), a lecturer at the university, explains that "We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable." Though the study certainly can't claim any kind of universality (250 subjects is simply too small a polling sample), the fact that none of the patients liked clowns is incredibly telling. So eat it, Binko.
Clowns, of course, are pouring out of their comically undersized VW Beetles by the dozens to protest these findings. In a follow-up article, Daisy D. Dots, aka Elaine Vercelloni, argued that, in her 21 years experience of undoubtedly disturbing clowning, "gives people, kids and adults a reason to be silly, to imagine and gives their minds a vacation if only for a moment." Yet, this doesn't really address the issue that most clowns that The Common Man has had to suffer through are painfully oblivious to the fact that no one likes them and just want them to go away. Indeed, how can you trust the opinion of a clown, when, frankly, they've made the terrible life choices that have led them down the clowning road to begin with.
Even those clowns who possess the slightest bit of self-awareness, and realize that their dire, perpetually smiling visage frightens people are still nuts. Pipsqueak The Clown, aka Heather Myers, argues that "There are those who are afraid of clowns, this is unavoidable, the same way that there are those afraid of dogs and spiders." But here's the thing, no one chooses to dress up as a dog or a spider, knowing that they're gonna freak some people out. Clowns who ignore or deny the effect that they have on the general populace, who in their guts find the nonstop happiness and chicanery dated and odious, are guilty of being a public nuisance. Bring in the paddy wagon, throw 57 of the buggers in the back and be done with them.
Seriously, is this the face of a person you'd let near your child?
What about these?
This guy?
What about this clown? Sure, he's funny (not in the executive or legislative branch. now that's comedy), but he'll eat your puppy in front of your child. Do you want that? Do you? The Common Man didn't think so. He wouldn't either.
So the next time you see a clown, you tell them about this study. Ask them about their lives. Ask them who they're really clowning for. And if they still won't stop, The Common Man says to hit 'em right in their red, squishy nose. Smell your flower now, Clarabell.
Thankfully, according to this Reuters article, researchers at Sheffield University, in England, has done a study into clowns, clowning, and the overall effectiveness of clowns. Finally, there is scientific evidence that, indeed, clowns suck. In a survey of 250 patients, ages 4 to 16, in British hospitals, not one child claimed to like clowns. Penny Curtis (The Common Man loves British names), a lecturer at the university, explains that "We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable." Though the study certainly can't claim any kind of universality (250 subjects is simply too small a polling sample), the fact that none of the patients liked clowns is incredibly telling. So eat it, Binko.
Clowns, of course, are pouring out of their comically undersized VW Beetles by the dozens to protest these findings. In a follow-up article, Daisy D. Dots, aka Elaine Vercelloni, argued that, in her 21 years experience of undoubtedly disturbing clowning, "gives people, kids and adults a reason to be silly, to imagine and gives their minds a vacation if only for a moment." Yet, this doesn't really address the issue that most clowns that The Common Man has had to suffer through are painfully oblivious to the fact that no one likes them and just want them to go away. Indeed, how can you trust the opinion of a clown, when, frankly, they've made the terrible life choices that have led them down the clowning road to begin with.
Even those clowns who possess the slightest bit of self-awareness, and realize that their dire, perpetually smiling visage frightens people are still nuts. Pipsqueak The Clown, aka Heather Myers, argues that "There are those who are afraid of clowns, this is unavoidable, the same way that there are those afraid of dogs and spiders." But here's the thing, no one chooses to dress up as a dog or a spider, knowing that they're gonna freak some people out. Clowns who ignore or deny the effect that they have on the general populace, who in their guts find the nonstop happiness and chicanery dated and odious, are guilty of being a public nuisance. Bring in the paddy wagon, throw 57 of the buggers in the back and be done with them.
Seriously, is this the face of a person you'd let near your child?
What about these?This guy?
What about this clown? Sure, he's funny (not in the executive or legislative branch. now that's comedy), but he'll eat your puppy in front of your child. Do you want that? Do you? The Common Man didn't think so. He wouldn't either. So the next time you see a clown, you tell them about this study. Ask them about their lives. Ask them who they're really clowning for. And if they still won't stop, The Common Man says to hit 'em right in their red, squishy nose. Smell your flower now, Clarabell.
So Late (or Early) That Titles Are Irrelevent
It's very late. Or perhaps it's early. The Common Man isn't sure, but it's quarter to four in the morning and he can't sleep. He did sleep, from 10 until 2, on the sofa in the basement, but he's been unable to sleep since then, having been convincingly awakened by taking the dog outside in the snow and rocking his little son back to sleep (on a side note, The Uncommon Wife is right to insist that The Common Man not fall asleep on the floor in the basement, because he won't sleep there all night and then he'll wake up and he'll be AWAKE). X-Files is on now, and it's not helping The Common Man get to sleep like it usually does (nobody does dry monotone like David Duchovny).
Why is The Common Man up so late (or early)? Why is he watching TV at 4 in the morning? The Common Man and The Boy are alone for the next couple days, as The Uncommon Wife is visiting friends of the blog Bill and Kristine Parker, and as yet unborn baby Parker (who The Common Man anticipates will be a friend of the blog at some point). The Common Man spends much of the day with The Boy (except for nap time) even when his mother is in town, but has come to take night time, when The Boy cuddles with his mother and The Common Man gets some time to veg, for granted. The Boy has morphed into an incredibly active, vibrant, and willful child, who loves playing with the volume on the stereo, electronic equipment of any type, and pulling at his puppy. And since The Boy's taken to pinching lately, playing with puppy is taking a form that The Common Man is uncomfortable with. Ralph the Evil Dog may love The Boy like no one else, but even puppies have their limits, and The Common Man doesn't want Ralph to feel anywhere near his.
Speaking of The Boy, he played outside in the snow for the first time today. Bundled up in his snowsuit and his boots (he refused to wear his hat and gloves), he hilariously crawled about in the new, fluffy powder, laughing and smiling away. The Common Man and he rolled in the snow until The Boy lost one of his boots. Then playtime was over. But it was a largely successful operation.
Anyway, The Common Man is going to try to get his beauty rest now. It's late, after all. Or early. Whatever. And there's a full day tomorrow.
Why is The Common Man up so late (or early)? Why is he watching TV at 4 in the morning? The Common Man and The Boy are alone for the next couple days, as The Uncommon Wife is visiting friends of the blog Bill and Kristine Parker, and as yet unborn baby Parker (who The Common Man anticipates will be a friend of the blog at some point). The Common Man spends much of the day with The Boy (except for nap time) even when his mother is in town, but has come to take night time, when The Boy cuddles with his mother and The Common Man gets some time to veg, for granted. The Boy has morphed into an incredibly active, vibrant, and willful child, who loves playing with the volume on the stereo, electronic equipment of any type, and pulling at his puppy. And since The Boy's taken to pinching lately, playing with puppy is taking a form that The Common Man is uncomfortable with. Ralph the Evil Dog may love The Boy like no one else, but even puppies have their limits, and The Common Man doesn't want Ralph to feel anywhere near his.
Speaking of The Boy, he played outside in the snow for the first time today. Bundled up in his snowsuit and his boots (he refused to wear his hat and gloves), he hilariously crawled about in the new, fluffy powder, laughing and smiling away. The Common Man and he rolled in the snow until The Boy lost one of his boots. Then playtime was over. But it was a largely successful operation.
Anyway, The Common Man is going to try to get his beauty rest now. It's late, after all. Or early. Whatever. And there's a full day tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
They're baaaaaack...
Well, just two episodes in and The Common Man is already sucked into American Idol. He's gotta watch something, after all, writers' strike and all. That said, this is always the part of the season that makes The Common Man somewhat uncomfortable. He hates the "contestants" who show up in the hopes of getting five minutes on TV. He hates the oversimplification of peoples' lives and stories, making them into caricatures. He hates that the producers choose the most embarrassing and disturbing contestants to show the national audience. It satisfies are collective schadenfruede, seeing clearly disturbed and unstable (and probably mentally retarded) people get humiliated by Simon's droll sarcasm.
Thankfully, Simon seems to have toned down his reactions this season, especially in light of some of his more controversial, hasty and callous comments last year. But Paula and Randy seem to have gotten a case of the giggles.
Still, here are a select few of the best lines from tonight's show:
After a woman went into labor in line in Dallas: "I only thought it was appropriate to name him Idol." Seriously.
Simon didn't come down on me like I thought he would, 'cuz he goes down on everybody.
My dad would say "I hate you," not like "I'm so jealous, I hate you," like, "I really hate you."
I love Celine Dion. She's my idol. I listen to her every day. She gives me warmth and strength when I sing. (ed. note: It must be a very cold and frail warmth and strength.)
Randy: I actually like you dog, I like the whole Randy Travis/George Strait thing man, 'cuz I grew up with that man.
I've got my eye-liner, or guy-liner, I should say.
Paula: Why do you have Simon's name on your hat?
Strange Asian man in white and silver costumenamed Reynaldo: For two reasons: Everyone everywhere, as long as there is free radio and television, speaks the name Simon. Secondly...
Randy: We don't want to know.
The one-of-a-kind Reynaldo: Simon, you are a great person. You give chance to everyone to sing to the whole world. Thank you. You are heaven's chosen to give chance to any talent for free of charge. You know they call you negative words. But there are people who like you and admire you. One of them is me. You are my glory, Simon.
Thankfully, Simon seems to have toned down his reactions this season, especially in light of some of his more controversial, hasty and callous comments last year. But Paula and Randy seem to have gotten a case of the giggles.
Still, here are a select few of the best lines from tonight's show:
After a woman went into labor in line in Dallas: "I only thought it was appropriate to name him Idol." Seriously.
Simon didn't come down on me like I thought he would, 'cuz he goes down on everybody.
My dad would say "I hate you," not like "I'm so jealous, I hate you," like, "I really hate you."
I love Celine Dion. She's my idol. I listen to her every day. She gives me warmth and strength when I sing. (ed. note: It must be a very cold and frail warmth and strength.)
Randy: I actually like you dog, I like the whole Randy Travis/George Strait thing man, 'cuz I grew up with that man.
I've got my eye-liner, or guy-liner, I should say.
Paula: Why do you have Simon's name on your hat?
Strange Asian man in white and silver costumenamed Reynaldo: For two reasons: Everyone everywhere, as long as there is free radio and television, speaks the name Simon. Secondly...
Randy: We don't want to know.
The one-of-a-kind Reynaldo: Simon, you are a great person. You give chance to everyone to sing to the whole world. Thank you. You are heaven's chosen to give chance to any talent for free of charge. You know they call you negative words. But there are people who like you and admire you. One of them is me. You are my glory, Simon.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Sometimes, Even When You Win...
For a personal account of how and why the Michigan primary being held today is so screwy, The Common Man urges you to check out Rainster's blog. It's rife with the same disappointment and bitterness The Common Man often feels toward the democratic party that he wants to embrace, but is having trouble with. Awesome.
That said, what will be particularly interesting, coming out of Michigan, is how Hilary chooses to promote her inevitable "victory". Certainly, great deal will depend on how much of the vote she actually carries. It's an interesting conundrum: how do you tout a win when your top competitors were not running the race? Congratulations, you beat all 2 foot 9 inches of Dennis Kucinich, and the carcass of Dodd to a bloody pulp, but that's hardly something to brag about.
It's a shame that Michigan's "leap" forward in the primary season will cost them their delegates. On the one hand, The Common Man is happy that the penalty brought a small amount of sanity back to the primary process. Yet, can anyone really blame Michigan for trying to increase its influence on the race? As a state in deep crisis, with the highest unemployment in the country, and little promising news on the horizon, Michigan absolutely must get a candidate that is sympathetic to its troubles in order to keep its head above water. Why the hell wouldn't they jump forward, even if it costs them their Democratic delegates? Their exposure today is huge, and it gives candidates and pundits an opportunity to talk for the better part of a week about how much trouble the state is in and how important it is to get the state working again.
What is worrisome for Democrats, however, is the lack of exposure that some viable candidates are getting in a key swing state. If voters are particularly moved by a candidate on the Republican side, he could wrap up the state for the general election before that race has even started.
That said, what will be particularly interesting, coming out of Michigan, is how Hilary chooses to promote her inevitable "victory". Certainly, great deal will depend on how much of the vote she actually carries. It's an interesting conundrum: how do you tout a win when your top competitors were not running the race? Congratulations, you beat all 2 foot 9 inches of Dennis Kucinich, and the carcass of Dodd to a bloody pulp, but that's hardly something to brag about.
It's a shame that Michigan's "leap" forward in the primary season will cost them their delegates. On the one hand, The Common Man is happy that the penalty brought a small amount of sanity back to the primary process. Yet, can anyone really blame Michigan for trying to increase its influence on the race? As a state in deep crisis, with the highest unemployment in the country, and little promising news on the horizon, Michigan absolutely must get a candidate that is sympathetic to its troubles in order to keep its head above water. Why the hell wouldn't they jump forward, even if it costs them their Democratic delegates? Their exposure today is huge, and it gives candidates and pundits an opportunity to talk for the better part of a week about how much trouble the state is in and how important it is to get the state working again.
What is worrisome for Democrats, however, is the lack of exposure that some viable candidates are getting in a key swing state. If voters are particularly moved by a candidate on the Republican side, he could wrap up the state for the general election before that race has even started.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Good Books
The Common Man has a morbid obsession with books and movies about the end of the world. Or at least the end of civilization. It's not that The Common Man wants to see the world burn. Far from it. Indeed, unlike those escapist nutjobs who cheered back in '96 when the aliens blew up the White House in Independence Day, The Common Man loves this world and this country (for all its faults) and does not yearn for a massive blizzard or devastating plague to kill everyone, so that the planet is cleansed or some such nonsense. Rather, The Common Man likes watching and reading about the end of the world because, as he sees the world being torn down, he gets to see what holds it together. That's why The Common Man has really enjoyed the last two books he's read, Max Brooks' World War Z and Richard Matheson's I Am Legend.
Brooks' novel, billed as an "Oral History of the Zombie War," is a cross between an ethnographic study and Night of the Living Dead Brooks assumes the persona of a U.N. appointed researcher, looking into the aftermath of a massive zombie uprising and how humanity survived. From the outbreak's beginning in China, to survivor's tales in Japan, the United States, Russia, South Africa, Canada, and Antarctica, Brooks' researcher criss-crosses the globe to get answers.
Unlike most sci-fi and horror novels, WWZ is able to circumvent most of the fright and the gore that would turn off casual readers. Instead, because readers know in advance that these men and women survive, they can act as calm observers to the ways that governments and individuals respond to the chaos around them. Readers get to examine not just what causes society to fall apart (overconfidence, style over substance, isolation, paranoia, and greed) but what stitches it back together again (religion, propoganda, cooperation, and physical connections rather than virtual ones).
It's a fabulous, fast read, in an accessible style and well paced. Each of the stories is sharp and memorable. It is biting in its critique, and generous in its reverance for humanity. Yet, it also wonders just at what point people start to lose that humanity when faced with crisis. The Common Man has never read another book like it, and recommends it highly, even for those who don't normally go in for sci-fi.
Matheson's I Am Legend, on the other hand, is old school sci-fi. Written in 1954, Matheson's novella has been adapted into film four times, most faithfully in Vincent Price's The Last Man on Earth. As most of you know, thanks to Will Smith, the story revolves around the lone survivor of a plague that has killed most of humanity and transformed others into vampires. The book centers around Neville's attempts to retain his humanity in the face of the crushing horror he witnesses every day and night, his struggle to find purpose and meaning in life when everything that used to give his life meaning has been stripped away, and what makes up identity and civilization.
The writing style is dated and it's easy to overlook the references (and critiques) of the Cold War and nuclear testing that always seem to pop up in '50s sci-fi. The story really is a downer, as Neville's slow downward spiral is inevitable in the face of the tragedy that has befallen him. But it's a compelling vision and a true classic of the genre. If you like science-fiction, this is a great book, especially the version just released by Tor Books (for the movie) that also has other Matheson short stories (including the excellent "Mad House," the story of a failed writer and professor whose frustration and anger are channeled into his home, which begins to fight back).
Brooks' novel, billed as an "Oral History of the Zombie War," is a cross between an ethnographic study and Night of the Living Dead Brooks assumes the persona of a U.N. appointed researcher, looking into the aftermath of a massive zombie uprising and how humanity survived. From the outbreak's beginning in China, to survivor's tales in Japan, the United States, Russia, South Africa, Canada, and Antarctica, Brooks' researcher criss-crosses the globe to get answers.
Unlike most sci-fi and horror novels, WWZ is able to circumvent most of the fright and the gore that would turn off casual readers. Instead, because readers know in advance that these men and women survive, they can act as calm observers to the ways that governments and individuals respond to the chaos around them. Readers get to examine not just what causes society to fall apart (overconfidence, style over substance, isolation, paranoia, and greed) but what stitches it back together again (religion, propoganda, cooperation, and physical connections rather than virtual ones).
It's a fabulous, fast read, in an accessible style and well paced. Each of the stories is sharp and memorable. It is biting in its critique, and generous in its reverance for humanity. Yet, it also wonders just at what point people start to lose that humanity when faced with crisis. The Common Man has never read another book like it, and recommends it highly, even for those who don't normally go in for sci-fi.
Matheson's I Am Legend, on the other hand, is old school sci-fi. Written in 1954, Matheson's novella has been adapted into film four times, most faithfully in Vincent Price's The Last Man on Earth. As most of you know, thanks to Will Smith, the story revolves around the lone survivor of a plague that has killed most of humanity and transformed others into vampires. The book centers around Neville's attempts to retain his humanity in the face of the crushing horror he witnesses every day and night, his struggle to find purpose and meaning in life when everything that used to give his life meaning has been stripped away, and what makes up identity and civilization.
The writing style is dated and it's easy to overlook the references (and critiques) of the Cold War and nuclear testing that always seem to pop up in '50s sci-fi. The story really is a downer, as Neville's slow downward spiral is inevitable in the face of the tragedy that has befallen him. But it's a compelling vision and a true classic of the genre. If you like science-fiction, this is a great book, especially the version just released by Tor Books (for the movie) that also has other Matheson short stories (including the excellent "Mad House," the story of a failed writer and professor whose frustration and anger are channeled into his home, which begins to fight back).
Friday, January 11, 2008
The Knee, The Whole Knee and Nothing But the Knee (or Awe Crap, Larry, I hurt it again)
Many have inquired into The Common Man's health, and the specifics as to how he destroyed his knee. He figures that today offers a great opportunity to put to rest some of their concerns. First, the story.
The Common Man was skiing with his father and brother over the holiday vacation, in Flagstaff, Arizona. The Common Man, figuring that he had enough to pack for the trip, chose to leave his skis behind and rent them when he got to the slope. After waiting for two and a half hours to get rental skis, The Common Man and his father joined the aforementioned brother on the hill. On the third run of the day (during which, The Common Man was skiing impeccably, mind you), your hero hit an icy patch and began to slip down. The crappy binding on the crappy rental ski did not release, as it was supposed to, and when the back of The Common Man's ski caught in the snow, he felt a pop in his knee, fell, and skidded down the hill several yards. Upon getting up to get his pole, The Common Man felt his knee buckle (like Catherine O'Hara, in this clip from Best in Show), and he went down again. It was then The Common Man knew something was wrong. Since then, as he's discussed, The Common Man has discovered that there was significant damage to the knee. His ACL is completely torn, his LCL is partially torn, and he may have some cartilage damage. He will have to have reconstructive surgery at some point in the near future.
In honor of The Common Man's fallen knee, he presents the three biggest myths about ACL tears:
1) It hurts like hell. Every time a football player tears their ACL on television, he writhes around on the ground in agony. This has led to the popular belief that it must hurt like hell to tear your ACL. Not so, in The Common Man's experience. He has torn two ACLs now, and it has not hurt either time. The Common Man has felt a pop in his knee, akin to a rubber band breaking, as though something were breaking through a resistant force, but no pain. He's not sure why the football players cry and clutch and act as if they've been shot in the knee when these injuries happen. The best The Common Man can figure is either that they have had traumas significantly more damaging to their joints than he has, or that football players are big babies.
The injury itself just aches from time to time, but what really hurts is the recovery after the surgery, as The Common Man will have to learn to bend his knee all over again.
2) You can't walk on it. Not true. Walking is perfectly possible, with or without a brace on. That said, there is tremendous instability in the knee, meaning that walking without the brace is a bad idea, and should be severely limited. The Common Man can put weight on the knee and can do most of the normal activities he does in a day, including picking up and carrying The Boy. Cutting, however, is near impossible, and hyper-extension is painful as well. It is also very easy to damage the knee further, if one is not careful.
What is particularly interesting to The Common Man through this, is just how hyper-aware he has become about where he's stepping, what he's stepping on, and how he is stepping. He knows that there are regular strides, a long strides, and short strides, and strides up and down stairs, and lunges, and he knows what will hurt the knee further. The Common Man does not like to wear socks without shoes anymore, since they mask the surface on which he is walking, and are more slippery.
3) Recovery will take six months or more. Believe it or not, The Common Man is not a world-class athlete. While it may be true that an NFL cornerback or a NBA center may need a full season to recover from one of these injuries, to the point where they are 100%, The Common Man is looking at 3-4 months of rehab. The first month is the hardest, as there is significant swelling and overall grossness and The Common Man must start bending his knee again, and flexing his quad muscle. During the next two months, The Common Man will put more and more weight on the knee until he can function normally. He will still, for a while, need to be aware about how and where he is stepping, but he will be ok in time to mow the lawn in the spring.
So, although this is a tragedy, and you should all weep for The Common Man, he will be just fine, and looks forward to fighting off the pain (and the vicodin) to blog more about his recovery.
The Common Man was skiing with his father and brother over the holiday vacation, in Flagstaff, Arizona. The Common Man, figuring that he had enough to pack for the trip, chose to leave his skis behind and rent them when he got to the slope. After waiting for two and a half hours to get rental skis, The Common Man and his father joined the aforementioned brother on the hill. On the third run of the day (during which, The Common Man was skiing impeccably, mind you), your hero hit an icy patch and began to slip down. The crappy binding on the crappy rental ski did not release, as it was supposed to, and when the back of The Common Man's ski caught in the snow, he felt a pop in his knee, fell, and skidded down the hill several yards. Upon getting up to get his pole, The Common Man felt his knee buckle (like Catherine O'Hara, in this clip from Best in Show), and he went down again. It was then The Common Man knew something was wrong. Since then, as he's discussed, The Common Man has discovered that there was significant damage to the knee. His ACL is completely torn, his LCL is partially torn, and he may have some cartilage damage. He will have to have reconstructive surgery at some point in the near future.
In honor of The Common Man's fallen knee, he presents the three biggest myths about ACL tears:
1) It hurts like hell. Every time a football player tears their ACL on television, he writhes around on the ground in agony. This has led to the popular belief that it must hurt like hell to tear your ACL. Not so, in The Common Man's experience. He has torn two ACLs now, and it has not hurt either time. The Common Man has felt a pop in his knee, akin to a rubber band breaking, as though something were breaking through a resistant force, but no pain. He's not sure why the football players cry and clutch and act as if they've been shot in the knee when these injuries happen. The best The Common Man can figure is either that they have had traumas significantly more damaging to their joints than he has, or that football players are big babies.
The injury itself just aches from time to time, but what really hurts is the recovery after the surgery, as The Common Man will have to learn to bend his knee all over again.
2) You can't walk on it. Not true. Walking is perfectly possible, with or without a brace on. That said, there is tremendous instability in the knee, meaning that walking without the brace is a bad idea, and should be severely limited. The Common Man can put weight on the knee and can do most of the normal activities he does in a day, including picking up and carrying The Boy. Cutting, however, is near impossible, and hyper-extension is painful as well. It is also very easy to damage the knee further, if one is not careful.
What is particularly interesting to The Common Man through this, is just how hyper-aware he has become about where he's stepping, what he's stepping on, and how he is stepping. He knows that there are regular strides, a long strides, and short strides, and strides up and down stairs, and lunges, and he knows what will hurt the knee further. The Common Man does not like to wear socks without shoes anymore, since they mask the surface on which he is walking, and are more slippery.
3) Recovery will take six months or more. Believe it or not, The Common Man is not a world-class athlete. While it may be true that an NFL cornerback or a NBA center may need a full season to recover from one of these injuries, to the point where they are 100%, The Common Man is looking at 3-4 months of rehab. The first month is the hardest, as there is significant swelling and overall grossness and The Common Man must start bending his knee again, and flexing his quad muscle. During the next two months, The Common Man will put more and more weight on the knee until he can function normally. He will still, for a while, need to be aware about how and where he is stepping, but he will be ok in time to mow the lawn in the spring.
So, although this is a tragedy, and you should all weep for The Common Man, he will be just fine, and looks forward to fighting off the pain (and the vicodin) to blog more about his recovery.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Stupid Strike, Be More Funny
The Common Man is glad that The Daily Show and Colbert Report are back in time for the actual primaries, and is going to use this as an excuse to talk about the Writers' Strike that caused the shows to go on hiatus.
Of course, there are more compelling problems in the world today. Pakistan seems to be sloughing toward a meltdown. Iraq, though much improved, is still a dangerous place for our troops. Burma continues to violently restrict its citizens freedom. The budget deficit grows ever larger. Gay people still, for reasons that defy logic, can't enjoy the legal benefits of marriage. And, most disturbing, The Common Man had a bomb go off in his knee over Christmas that will require reconstructive surgery. It's a dangerous and confusing world.
That said, on top of everything else, the writers' strike is adding metaphorical insult to literal injury. Television's distracted America from national crises since Lucy was trying to get into Dezi's club (what Cold War? Those crazy Cubans). It's a time honored tradition and, frankly, The Common Man isn't sure that Americans know how to cope without it. The added stress of actually paying attention to the world around them could have any number of repercussions. Traffic jams around the water cooler, as working Americans first try to figure out what to talk about. Arguments between family members who have to talk to one another. Children facing the dangers of sexual predators and fast-moving traffic by having to play outside. Frankly, it's a nightmare.
Already, desperate Americans are turning to any crap to satisfy their cravings for electron-based entertainment. American Gladiators, for instance, is back (and is far more terrible than The Common Man remembers). Crowned, Deal or No Deal, and that damned show with a lie detector are all stepping in to fill the void left by House, Heroes, Reaper (the show you need to start watching) and The Office. As Americans continue to debase themselves by watching and accepting more crap, they will make it easier for networks to put crap out there. And the only good TV left will be on HBO.
Fortunately, The Common Man and The Uncommon Wife anticipated this crisis months ago, and began stockpiling shows on their Tivo that they wanted to watch, but didn't have time for. They have 11 episodes of Desperate Housewives and 10 of Grey's Anatomy to keep them occupied (and probably disappointed) until the strike is resolved.
Until then, The Common Man urges you to buy stock in Netflix. And to watch this to understand why the strike matters and why you should care, if you haven't already: Why We Fight.
Of course, there are more compelling problems in the world today. Pakistan seems to be sloughing toward a meltdown. Iraq, though much improved, is still a dangerous place for our troops. Burma continues to violently restrict its citizens freedom. The budget deficit grows ever larger. Gay people still, for reasons that defy logic, can't enjoy the legal benefits of marriage. And, most disturbing, The Common Man had a bomb go off in his knee over Christmas that will require reconstructive surgery. It's a dangerous and confusing world.
That said, on top of everything else, the writers' strike is adding metaphorical insult to literal injury. Television's distracted America from national crises since Lucy was trying to get into Dezi's club (what Cold War? Those crazy Cubans). It's a time honored tradition and, frankly, The Common Man isn't sure that Americans know how to cope without it. The added stress of actually paying attention to the world around them could have any number of repercussions. Traffic jams around the water cooler, as working Americans first try to figure out what to talk about. Arguments between family members who have to talk to one another. Children facing the dangers of sexual predators and fast-moving traffic by having to play outside. Frankly, it's a nightmare.
Already, desperate Americans are turning to any crap to satisfy their cravings for electron-based entertainment. American Gladiators, for instance, is back (and is far more terrible than The Common Man remembers). Crowned, Deal or No Deal, and that damned show with a lie detector are all stepping in to fill the void left by House, Heroes, Reaper (the show you need to start watching) and The Office. As Americans continue to debase themselves by watching and accepting more crap, they will make it easier for networks to put crap out there. And the only good TV left will be on HBO.
Fortunately, The Common Man and The Uncommon Wife anticipated this crisis months ago, and began stockpiling shows on their Tivo that they wanted to watch, but didn't have time for. They have 11 episodes of Desperate Housewives and 10 of Grey's Anatomy to keep them occupied (and probably disappointed) until the strike is resolved.
Until then, The Common Man urges you to buy stock in Netflix. And to watch this to understand why the strike matters and why you should care, if you haven't already: Why We Fight.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
The Other CW
Well, that was unexpected. But maybe it shouldn't have been.
It's remarkable how often the conventional wisdom turns out to be incorrect. The Common Man has noticed, more often than not in recent years, if everyone believes one thing, it is a safe bet to go the other way. This is especially true today, in the wake of the New Hampshire primary yesterday.
Pundits everywhere had predicted Barak Obama would win the state in a walk, given his recent surge in the polls and the momentum he generated from his Iowa victory. Just yesterday on Bill O'Reilly's Radio Factor, the aforementioned host and his guest, former Presidential candidate and constant xenophobe Pat Buchanan, were united in their prediction that (roughly quoting Buchanan here) "Independents will determine this primary, and two-thirds of them will vote for Obama." They speculated that this would spell trouble for John McCain, who was counting on the independent vote to carry the state for the second time in the last three presidential seasons. Most of what The Common Man had read and heard over the past few days had expressed a similar sentiment, that Obama was unstoppable and McCain was in trouble. Given how many people were writing Clinton off for dead (especially because she *gasp* showed emotion), and were worried about McCain, The Common Man should have absolutely expected their triumphs yesterday.
That said, it's not like Clinton's victory could be called in any way decisive. Clinton's rousing 39 percent of the vote garnered her 9 delegates. Obama's 37 percent netted him, wait for it, 9 delegates. Given that the conventional wisdom today is that Clinton "won", it's fitting that both candidates walk away essentially tied. At least McCain can claim 3 more delegates than Romney, his closest challenger in New Hampshire.
Anyway, the big to-dos in Iowa and New Hampshire are over now, and we can get on to the rest of the country. Next up is Michigan, a swing state in the general election, which could actually tell us something about the electability of the field. Romney, following two defeats, looks poised to win (on what is essentially home turf for him) and Edwards needs a strong finish if he's going to stick around until the primaries swing south toward the end of the month. Of course, this sounds too much to The Common Man like conventional wisdom, so who knows?
In other news, The Common Man's Common Knee is going to need reconstructive surgery. In a phone conversation this morning, The Common Man's doctor informed him that has a fully torn ACL, possible cartilage damage, and a partially torn LCL. Not fun.
It's remarkable how often the conventional wisdom turns out to be incorrect. The Common Man has noticed, more often than not in recent years, if everyone believes one thing, it is a safe bet to go the other way. This is especially true today, in the wake of the New Hampshire primary yesterday.
Pundits everywhere had predicted Barak Obama would win the state in a walk, given his recent surge in the polls and the momentum he generated from his Iowa victory. Just yesterday on Bill O'Reilly's Radio Factor, the aforementioned host and his guest, former Presidential candidate and constant xenophobe Pat Buchanan, were united in their prediction that (roughly quoting Buchanan here) "Independents will determine this primary, and two-thirds of them will vote for Obama." They speculated that this would spell trouble for John McCain, who was counting on the independent vote to carry the state for the second time in the last three presidential seasons. Most of what The Common Man had read and heard over the past few days had expressed a similar sentiment, that Obama was unstoppable and McCain was in trouble. Given how many people were writing Clinton off for dead (especially because she *gasp* showed emotion), and were worried about McCain, The Common Man should have absolutely expected their triumphs yesterday.
That said, it's not like Clinton's victory could be called in any way decisive. Clinton's rousing 39 percent of the vote garnered her 9 delegates. Obama's 37 percent netted him, wait for it, 9 delegates. Given that the conventional wisdom today is that Clinton "won", it's fitting that both candidates walk away essentially tied. At least McCain can claim 3 more delegates than Romney, his closest challenger in New Hampshire.
Anyway, the big to-dos in Iowa and New Hampshire are over now, and we can get on to the rest of the country. Next up is Michigan, a swing state in the general election, which could actually tell us something about the electability of the field. Romney, following two defeats, looks poised to win (on what is essentially home turf for him) and Edwards needs a strong finish if he's going to stick around until the primaries swing south toward the end of the month. Of course, this sounds too much to The Common Man like conventional wisdom, so who knows?
In other news, The Common Man's Common Knee is going to need reconstructive surgery. In a phone conversation this morning, The Common Man's doctor informed him that has a fully torn ACL, possible cartilage damage, and a partially torn LCL. Not fun.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
New Hampshire and The Common Knee
Today, once again, New Hampshire will make its will known to an eager media and a largely apathetic public. It should be irrelevent, a nonevent. Yet, the second story on CNN.com today is about how McCain and Obama both won in Dixville Notch (population 75) and in Hart's Location (population 42). In Dixville, McCain won with 4 votes, while Obama won with 7. A total of 14 people voted. Now then, if 51 of the 75 residents of Dixville Notch can't get excited enough about voting for either candidate, even though their votes would be widely heralded and discussed, The Common Man wonders why the hell CNN and other major news outlets should give a damn.
Once again, The Common Man will not stoop to giving a prediction for the final result. He finds predictions droll and fears they may make him look foolish, should they go awry.
In the meantime, The Common Man will placate you with pictures of the inside of his knee, MRI'd yesterday:
By the way, if anyone out there is either a) is an orthopedist or b) knows what a healthy knee is supposed to look like could let The Common Man know if his Common ACL is torn or intact, that would be terrific.
Once again, The Common Man will not stoop to giving a prediction for the final result. He finds predictions droll and fears they may make him look foolish, should they go awry.
In the meantime, The Common Man will placate you with pictures of the inside of his knee, MRI'd yesterday:
By the way, if anyone out there is either a) is an orthopedist or b) knows what a healthy knee is supposed to look like could let The Common Man know if his Common ACL is torn or intact, that would be terrific.
Monday, January 7, 2008
One long item, and Two Quick Hits
1) Roger Clemens' appearance on 60 Minutes last night was not particularly enlightening. Most, if not all, of the relevant details had been leaked beforehand, and made his 13 minutes of denial, befuddlement, anger, and explanation with Mike Wallace anticlimactic. The Common Man, as he's explained before, tends not to get too caught up in just who did steroids, since a) no other sport is held to baseball's high standard (where are congressional hearings into Shawne Merriman?) and b) he assumes that many, many players were doing them and that virtually all of the "clean" players, executives, owners, and commissioners were morally culpable. The had knowledge of what was happening and chose to respect the "clubhouse code" of silence (something which The Common Man has learned about first-hand), which may make them popular, but doesn't make them ethical.
So far, the best take The Common Man has seen on the Clemens interview comes from ESPN.com's Rob Neyer, who writes, "If the Rocket really does want to defend himself, change the minds of a lot of people, it sure would help if he'd learned at some point to come across as something other than a spoiled, petulant millionaire who thinks he did something for baseball. Rather than the other way around." Indeed, at times Clemens does come off as a spoiled child in his interview and seems to be under the impression that for throwing a baseball 90 MPH over 25 years, he has contributed positively to society. And that, perhaps, is the saddest part of this story, that many people will agree that his performance has enhanced their worlds, and that he deserves their awe and respect for it, that he receives the benefit of the doubt, rather than the $121 million plus with which he has been compensated for playing a game.
2) New Hampshire residents make a big deal about making up their own minds and not caring how the Iowa caucuses went. But you could not find a better indication of the disproportionate effect that these states have on the public consciousness than Barak Obama's recent surge in the polling of New Hampshirites. Despite doing nothing over the past week aside from winning the Iowa caucus, Obama jumped to a 10 point lead over Clinton. Seriously, America, if you don't want outliers like Iowans and New Hampshirites determining who your next president is going to be, you need to devise a national primary day a month before the national convention. It's as simple as that.
3) In ironic news, Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf is saying that recently slain former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto is to blame for her own death, saying, "For standing up outside the car, I think it was she to blame alone -- nobody else. Responsibility is hers." There you have it. No assassination. No killers. Also, John Kennedy should not have been in a convertable. How dare Martin Luther King stand on a balcony? And Robert Kennedy had no business being in a kitchen. Ascribing blame to the victim in this case is particularly dastardly, especially since the victim cannot fight back. It's cynical and will undoubtedly undermine Musharraf's international position further (though, being unfamiliar with Pakistani internal politics, The Common Man has no idea how this will play in Rawalpindi). Still, The Common Man wonders whether Musharraf is the only man who can effectively control Pakistan right now, and worries that the elections now scheduled for February could determine the push Western Asia further into chaos for the next several years.
So far, the best take The Common Man has seen on the Clemens interview comes from ESPN.com's Rob Neyer, who writes, "If the Rocket really does want to defend himself, change the minds of a lot of people, it sure would help if he'd learned at some point to come across as something other than a spoiled, petulant millionaire who thinks he did something for baseball. Rather than the other way around." Indeed, at times Clemens does come off as a spoiled child in his interview and seems to be under the impression that for throwing a baseball 90 MPH over 25 years, he has contributed positively to society. And that, perhaps, is the saddest part of this story, that many people will agree that his performance has enhanced their worlds, and that he deserves their awe and respect for it, that he receives the benefit of the doubt, rather than the $121 million plus with which he has been compensated for playing a game.
2) New Hampshire residents make a big deal about making up their own minds and not caring how the Iowa caucuses went. But you could not find a better indication of the disproportionate effect that these states have on the public consciousness than Barak Obama's recent surge in the polling of New Hampshirites. Despite doing nothing over the past week aside from winning the Iowa caucus, Obama jumped to a 10 point lead over Clinton. Seriously, America, if you don't want outliers like Iowans and New Hampshirites determining who your next president is going to be, you need to devise a national primary day a month before the national convention. It's as simple as that.
3) In ironic news, Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf is saying that recently slain former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto is to blame for her own death, saying, "For standing up outside the car, I think it was she to blame alone -- nobody else. Responsibility is hers." There you have it. No assassination. No killers. Also, John Kennedy should not have been in a convertable. How dare Martin Luther King stand on a balcony? And Robert Kennedy had no business being in a kitchen. Ascribing blame to the victim in this case is particularly dastardly, especially since the victim cannot fight back. It's cynical and will undoubtedly undermine Musharraf's international position further (though, being unfamiliar with Pakistani internal politics, The Common Man has no idea how this will play in Rawalpindi). Still, The Common Man wonders whether Musharraf is the only man who can effectively control Pakistan right now, and worries that the elections now scheduled for February could determine the push Western Asia further into chaos for the next several years.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Ends of the Earth
It's remarkable that, every four years, the eyes of this nation are transfixed upon Iowa and New Hampshire, states that get roundly ignored every other year in America. Like many of you, The Common Man knows little about either state and would, as a service to you, list of four things that he's at least pretty sure are true about each of the nation's most disproportionately influential states.
IOWA
1) Is Minnesota's Mexico. Look, a quick comparison
Minnesota..............................................Iowa
beautiful lakes and rivers...........................corn
major league sports...................................watching corn grow
a culturally relevant metropolitan area......Des Moines
Prince.......................................................Tom Harkin
attractive, relatively affluent people............no
You tell The Common Man where you'd rather live. Frankly, Minnesota should build a border fence.
2) Grows a lot of corn. According to the Iowa Department of Agriculture, Iowa grew corn on almost 13 million acres last year, nearly 16 percent of our national crop. That's a lot.
3) Has most famous non-major league baseball field. Somewhere in Iowa, there is a field. A field of dreams. It is the baseball diamond, cut out of a field of corn for the schlocky, hokey, but ultimately entertaining film (wait for it) Field of Dreams, in which we're lied to and made to feel bad about Shoeless Joe Jackson's level of involvement in the Black Sox scandal of 1919. Recent research has demonstrated that Jackson's play was, indeed, highly suspicious, and that he likely was the reason the fix was successful (indeed, if Jackson (a team leader and its best player) hadn't gone along with the plot, the other players may have reconsidered their involvement). Still, The Common Man would like visit, especially since the owners of the field (it sat across the property line of two farms) have resolved their differences.
4) Iowans are liars. As the previous paragraph demonstrates, Iowans are likely to tell any lie, half-truth or exaggeration to get you visit their state. Why should this country respect the opinions and caucus results of a bunch of lying liars? Are they making up the results? Maybe they manipulate the final tallies to make the races interesting so that citizens are obliged to tune in every four years to a state that otherwise doesn't matter.
NEW HAMPSHIRE
1) Apparently named after an old Hampshire. What happened to the old Hampshire, New Hampshire? Did you just leave it to die somewhere, hoping your past wouldn't catch up to you? Well, it did, New Hampshire. You were named after the county of Hampshire. And where is that, New Hampshire? That's right, it's in England. First of all, if it was so great back in old Hampshire, that you named your colony (then state) after it, why did you leave in the first place. Second, naming your state after a British county? Doesn't sound very American to The Common Man.
2) No state income tax nor sales tax. This, of course, makes The Common Man wonder how the state of New Hampshire pays for anything. No wonder the Old Man in the Mountain fell apart. God, spend a buck or two, it's only the only thing people visited your state to see. (Note to Common Self, when driving to or from Maine, always stop at New Hampshire state liquor store at exit 1.)
3) Gave us Sarah Silverman. This is perhaps the greatest contribution to American culture in the state's history. It almost makes up for #4.
4) State motto, Live Free or Die, used as title of aging Bruce Willis fiasco, Live Free or Die Hard. Look, The Common Man is the first one to admit how awesome the first Die Hard was. As an action movie, it blended comedy, fighting, shooting, and realism perfectly with unmatched precision. That doesn't change the fact, however, that the second and fourth installments of Die Hard sucked hard. Sucked out loud. Sucked in stereo. Indeed, the fourth film completely eschews the realism and grittiness that made Die Hard so noteworthy among action films in the first place, instead turning Willis' John McClain into a kind of white, middle-aged, bald superhero, capable of taking down a helicopter with a motorcycle. Though to be fair, the third movie redeems the Die Hard franchise significantly, but mostly because of Samuel L. Jackson and a terrific turn by Jeremy Irons as the villain who puts Willis through a series of amusing and dangerous obstacles. Isn't that just like the British, funny and evil at the same time. Sounds like a bad group of people to name a state after, New Hampshire.
IOWA
1) Is Minnesota's Mexico. Look, a quick comparison
Minnesota..............................................Iowa
beautiful lakes and rivers...........................corn
major league sports...................................watching corn grow
a culturally relevant metropolitan area......Des Moines
Prince.......................................................Tom Harkin
attractive, relatively affluent people............no
You tell The Common Man where you'd rather live. Frankly, Minnesota should build a border fence.
2) Grows a lot of corn. According to the Iowa Department of Agriculture, Iowa grew corn on almost 13 million acres last year, nearly 16 percent of our national crop. That's a lot.
3) Has most famous non-major league baseball field. Somewhere in Iowa, there is a field. A field of dreams. It is the baseball diamond, cut out of a field of corn for the schlocky, hokey, but ultimately entertaining film (wait for it) Field of Dreams, in which we're lied to and made to feel bad about Shoeless Joe Jackson's level of involvement in the Black Sox scandal of 1919. Recent research has demonstrated that Jackson's play was, indeed, highly suspicious, and that he likely was the reason the fix was successful (indeed, if Jackson (a team leader and its best player) hadn't gone along with the plot, the other players may have reconsidered their involvement). Still, The Common Man would like visit, especially since the owners of the field (it sat across the property line of two farms) have resolved their differences.
4) Iowans are liars. As the previous paragraph demonstrates, Iowans are likely to tell any lie, half-truth or exaggeration to get you visit their state. Why should this country respect the opinions and caucus results of a bunch of lying liars? Are they making up the results? Maybe they manipulate the final tallies to make the races interesting so that citizens are obliged to tune in every four years to a state that otherwise doesn't matter.
NEW HAMPSHIRE
1) Apparently named after an old Hampshire. What happened to the old Hampshire, New Hampshire? Did you just leave it to die somewhere, hoping your past wouldn't catch up to you? Well, it did, New Hampshire. You were named after the county of Hampshire. And where is that, New Hampshire? That's right, it's in England. First of all, if it was so great back in old Hampshire, that you named your colony (then state) after it, why did you leave in the first place. Second, naming your state after a British county? Doesn't sound very American to The Common Man.
2) No state income tax nor sales tax. This, of course, makes The Common Man wonder how the state of New Hampshire pays for anything. No wonder the Old Man in the Mountain fell apart. God, spend a buck or two, it's only the only thing people visited your state to see. (Note to Common Self, when driving to or from Maine, always stop at New Hampshire state liquor store at exit 1.)
3) Gave us Sarah Silverman. This is perhaps the greatest contribution to American culture in the state's history. It almost makes up for #4.
4) State motto, Live Free or Die, used as title of aging Bruce Willis fiasco, Live Free or Die Hard. Look, The Common Man is the first one to admit how awesome the first Die Hard was. As an action movie, it blended comedy, fighting, shooting, and realism perfectly with unmatched precision. That doesn't change the fact, however, that the second and fourth installments of Die Hard sucked hard. Sucked out loud. Sucked in stereo. Indeed, the fourth film completely eschews the realism and grittiness that made Die Hard so noteworthy among action films in the first place, instead turning Willis' John McClain into a kind of white, middle-aged, bald superhero, capable of taking down a helicopter with a motorcycle. Though to be fair, the third movie redeems the Die Hard franchise significantly, but mostly because of Samuel L. Jackson and a terrific turn by Jeremy Irons as the villain who puts Willis through a series of amusing and dangerous obstacles. Isn't that just like the British, funny and evil at the same time. Sounds like a bad group of people to name a state after, New Hampshire.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Hats in the Ring
Well, today's the day, isn't it? The day the primary season officially begins, and voters begin paring down their lists of viable candidates until just two remain standing. The Common Man will offer no predictions at this point, though he will remind you that he foresaw a strong finish for John Edwards back in July. As for today's vote, if the polls are any indication, Iowa is completely up for grabs in both parties. Not that it truly matters, mind you. As long as a candidate finishes strong, he (or she!) will demonstrate viability to carry over into New Hampshire next week. Unless, of course, that candidate is Mitt Romney or Hilary Clinton, for whom a defeat in Iowa would demonstrate considerable weakness (especially for Romney, who figures to get little support in South Carolina in a couple of weeks).
So who is The Common Man supporting? On one hand, it doesn't really matter. By the time that Pennsylvania votes, everyone will know who the nominee will be. But one must choose, musn't one? So The Common Man did. Up until recently, The Common Man had faced a dilemma. He was torn between two extremes, Barak Obama and Mike Huckabee. Surprised? So was The Common Man.
Obama's case was fairly clearcut. In a time when relatively few Americans trust their government or the politicians who inhabit it, Obama represents change and hope for a better future. Change because, of course, Obama is a relative newcomer to Washington politics and would be the first African-American president in this country's history (unless you count 24's David Palmer, a possibility The Common Man is not ready to discount just yet). Hope because, of all the candidates running for the Oval Office, Obama's words seem to inspire others in a way reminiscent of Democratic giants of the past, Kennedy, Roosevelt, Clinton. And, of course, as a Democrat, Obama believes in the various social programs that The Common Man believes the Federal government needs to have a hand in, social security, basic health care for children and the infirm, and increased funding for schools. And among his Democratic rivals, Obama's exit strategy for Iraq seems to be one of the more sane approaches (a staged pullout of most of the troops, an advisory force left behind for training, and the option to reinsert troops should the situation become untenable).
Huckabee, however, won The Common Man over with his truly compassionate sounding Conservatism and Christianity. On his website, he explains that "when it comes to the environment, I believe in being a good steward of the earth." Likewise, when discussing his pro-life views, he points out that "Life doesn't begin at conception and end at birth. Every child deserves a quality education, first-rate health care, decent housing in a safe neighborhood, and clean air and drinking water. Every child deserves the opportunity to discover and use his God-given gifts and talents." Perhaps most importantly, Huckabee has argued for remaining in Iraq as a moral issue. As The Common Man wrote in May, the issue in Iraq should boil down to the old "if you break it you buy it," store policy: "Any effort to leave the country, at this point, may be emotionally satisfying, but is immoral and will damage America's already shaky credibility with the people of the next country it invades (The Common Man is looking at you Iran!). Indeed, how can citizens of the countries that we "liberate" have any enthusiasm for our presence if our appearance is the harbinger of disaster, chaos, and destruction? The Common Man believes that the U.S. is obligated to stay.
Ultimately, however, I was frustrated by Huckabee's stance on gay rights. He writes, "I support and have always supported passage of a federal constitutional amendment that defines marriage as a union between one man and one woman. As President, I will fight for passage of this amendment. My personal belief is that marriage is between one man and one woman, for life." It's one thing for Huckabee to believe that marriage, particularly religious marriage is a heterosexual construct, it's another for him to push for the Federal government to sanction just whom its citizens can have relationships with, and what nature those relationships should take. Such a stance is directly in opposition to core conservative values. Indeed, while anti-homosexual groups like to argue that government's recognition of same sex unions would lead to a slippery slope of legalized perversion until you could marry your pet llama in a Catholic cathedral, a far more likely scenario, in The Common Man's humble opinion, is that the government could use this precedent to continue to limit the relationships Americans can form with each other. Christians and Jews wouldn't be allowed to do business together. Children from black neighborhoods wouldn't be allowed in white ones. And nobody better talk to the Arabs. Coupled with Huckabee's either unforgivably ignorant or cynically pandering call for the quarantining of AIDS patients in 1991, it's clear that Huckabee's views on homosexuality bend slightly sinister. The Common Man simply was not comfortable supporting a man who would violate his supposed core moral and political beliefs because of his apparent bigotry.
So in the end, The Common Man was left with Obama. Less of a fairweather candidate than Hilary. More viable than Biden (also, this country has had enough of Presidents sticking their foots in their mouths). Less crazy than Bill Richardson (who wants an immediate troop withdraw, Iraq and American interests be damned). And, well, The Common Man is stuck to find a tangible reason to pick him over Edwards, except that he just seems to be a step below in all respects.
Of course, The Common Man reserves the right to change his mind at any point over the next 11 months. Now get out and vote, Iowa.
So who is The Common Man supporting? On one hand, it doesn't really matter. By the time that Pennsylvania votes, everyone will know who the nominee will be. But one must choose, musn't one? So The Common Man did. Up until recently, The Common Man had faced a dilemma. He was torn between two extremes, Barak Obama and Mike Huckabee. Surprised? So was The Common Man.
Obama's case was fairly clearcut. In a time when relatively few Americans trust their government or the politicians who inhabit it, Obama represents change and hope for a better future. Change because, of course, Obama is a relative newcomer to Washington politics and would be the first African-American president in this country's history (unless you count 24's David Palmer, a possibility The Common Man is not ready to discount just yet). Hope because, of all the candidates running for the Oval Office, Obama's words seem to inspire others in a way reminiscent of Democratic giants of the past, Kennedy, Roosevelt, Clinton. And, of course, as a Democrat, Obama believes in the various social programs that The Common Man believes the Federal government needs to have a hand in, social security, basic health care for children and the infirm, and increased funding for schools. And among his Democratic rivals, Obama's exit strategy for Iraq seems to be one of the more sane approaches (a staged pullout of most of the troops, an advisory force left behind for training, and the option to reinsert troops should the situation become untenable).
Huckabee, however, won The Common Man over with his truly compassionate sounding Conservatism and Christianity. On his website, he explains that "when it comes to the environment, I believe in being a good steward of the earth." Likewise, when discussing his pro-life views, he points out that "Life doesn't begin at conception and end at birth. Every child deserves a quality education, first-rate health care, decent housing in a safe neighborhood, and clean air and drinking water. Every child deserves the opportunity to discover and use his God-given gifts and talents." Perhaps most importantly, Huckabee has argued for remaining in Iraq as a moral issue. As The Common Man wrote in May, the issue in Iraq should boil down to the old "if you break it you buy it," store policy: "Any effort to leave the country, at this point, may be emotionally satisfying, but is immoral and will damage America's already shaky credibility with the people of the next country it invades (The Common Man is looking at you Iran!). Indeed, how can citizens of the countries that we "liberate" have any enthusiasm for our presence if our appearance is the harbinger of disaster, chaos, and destruction? The Common Man believes that the U.S. is obligated to stay.
Ultimately, however, I was frustrated by Huckabee's stance on gay rights. He writes, "I support and have always supported passage of a federal constitutional amendment that defines marriage as a union between one man and one woman. As President, I will fight for passage of this amendment. My personal belief is that marriage is between one man and one woman, for life." It's one thing for Huckabee to believe that marriage, particularly religious marriage is a heterosexual construct, it's another for him to push for the Federal government to sanction just whom its citizens can have relationships with, and what nature those relationships should take. Such a stance is directly in opposition to core conservative values. Indeed, while anti-homosexual groups like to argue that government's recognition of same sex unions would lead to a slippery slope of legalized perversion until you could marry your pet llama in a Catholic cathedral, a far more likely scenario, in The Common Man's humble opinion, is that the government could use this precedent to continue to limit the relationships Americans can form with each other. Christians and Jews wouldn't be allowed to do business together. Children from black neighborhoods wouldn't be allowed in white ones. And nobody better talk to the Arabs. Coupled with Huckabee's either unforgivably ignorant or cynically pandering call for the quarantining of AIDS patients in 1991, it's clear that Huckabee's views on homosexuality bend slightly sinister. The Common Man simply was not comfortable supporting a man who would violate his supposed core moral and political beliefs because of his apparent bigotry.
So in the end, The Common Man was left with Obama. Less of a fairweather candidate than Hilary. More viable than Biden (also, this country has had enough of Presidents sticking their foots in their mouths). Less crazy than Bill Richardson (who wants an immediate troop withdraw, Iraq and American interests be damned). And, well, The Common Man is stuck to find a tangible reason to pick him over Edwards, except that he just seems to be a step below in all respects.
Of course, The Common Man reserves the right to change his mind at any point over the next 11 months. Now get out and vote, Iowa.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
The Return of the King
Well, what's it been? Six months? Five? Nice long break. What's happened since then? Election, election, assassination, violence, steroids, Jamie Lynn, writers' strike. So nothing important? Good, The Common Man is glad he didn't miss anything.
Like many of you, The Common Man made several New Years resolutions. He is going to lose weight. He is going to be a better person. He is going to get at least 6 hours of sleep a night. And, finally, he will get his ass back to writing.
It's not that The Common Man hasn't been busy for these past months. Far from it. He's been teaching, and caring for the boy, and trying to run a house. It's been tiring, especially since The Boy has learned first to crawl, then to walk, then to run all over the house. The living room is now wholly dedicated to The Boy and his funtastic ability to get into trouble wherever he is. All the nicknacks are gone. Only the sofa, a chair, the stereo (35th anniversary Sesame Street CDs aren't going to play themselves), and a coffee table remain. The rest of the room is packed with toys. Cars, phones, stuffed animals, books. There is much to do when you are 13 months old, apparently.
But The Common Man doesn't need to tell you about tiring, for he is one of you, and you are surely tired too. It's a tiring world in which you and The Common Man live together. There are still just 24 hours in a day, but there is so much more content that fills that time. Even when you are not working, you are seemingly doing work: reading and researching topics online, cataloguing the opinions of others, deciding what content you will spend your precious few minutes perusing before you need to dive back into work. The Common Man knows how that is. He sympathizes. And he will be there to help you muddle through. Or at least to help you waste 10 more minutes reading his blog.
The Common Man is home. Go get his pipe and slippers, walk him to his La-z-boy, and he shall hold court.
Like many of you, The Common Man made several New Years resolutions. He is going to lose weight. He is going to be a better person. He is going to get at least 6 hours of sleep a night. And, finally, he will get his ass back to writing.
It's not that The Common Man hasn't been busy for these past months. Far from it. He's been teaching, and caring for the boy, and trying to run a house. It's been tiring, especially since The Boy has learned first to crawl, then to walk, then to run all over the house. The living room is now wholly dedicated to The Boy and his funtastic ability to get into trouble wherever he is. All the nicknacks are gone. Only the sofa, a chair, the stereo (35th anniversary Sesame Street CDs aren't going to play themselves), and a coffee table remain. The rest of the room is packed with toys. Cars, phones, stuffed animals, books. There is much to do when you are 13 months old, apparently.
But The Common Man doesn't need to tell you about tiring, for he is one of you, and you are surely tired too. It's a tiring world in which you and The Common Man live together. There are still just 24 hours in a day, but there is so much more content that fills that time. Even when you are not working, you are seemingly doing work: reading and researching topics online, cataloguing the opinions of others, deciding what content you will spend your precious few minutes perusing before you need to dive back into work. The Common Man knows how that is. He sympathizes. And he will be there to help you muddle through. Or at least to help you waste 10 more minutes reading his blog.
The Common Man is home. Go get his pipe and slippers, walk him to his La-z-boy, and he shall hold court.
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