Washing the Dirt Off

The Common Man needed to take a shower. Not because The Common Man was dirty (although proper hygiene is important to The Common Man), but because he felt dirty. You see, a couple of years back I wished that Anna Nicole Smith would just die already so that I wouldn't have to think about her any more.

My wish did not necessarily put Ms. Smith in a unique category. The Common Man has wished many people dead over the course of his life. Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson so that their messianic cults would whither. Barry Bonds so that I could stop hearing about him because, frankly, The Common Man just does not care. And, of course, The Common Man still wishes daily for the death of the guy who wrote the 1-800-SafeAuto song (go ahead, just try and get it out of your head now). But none of these wishes had come true.

Now, of course, Anna Nicole is dead. But The Common Man doesn't necessarily feel bad about her death. Of course, it's sad that she was only 39 and tragic that her 5 month old will grow up without her mother. But we're also talking about a person who was drunk on her own celebrity and who, unbelievably, leaves behind a fortune of somewhere between $88 million and $400 million. It's not like Ms. Smith didn't enjoy her time here.

No, the reason The Common Man feels dirty is that his wish has now caused his worst nightmare. The media coverage surrounding Ms. Smith's untimely demise is an eclipse that blots out the light from other stories that actually matter. For instance, while Anna Nicole dominates the coverage on CNN, FoxNews, and CNBC, Defense Secretary Gates has revealed that our government has recovered "some serial numbers, there may be some markings on some of the projectile fragments that we found" that indicate that Iran is supplying weapons to Iraqi insurgents. If true, this represents the first hard evidence of Iran's involvement in the actual fighting.

The coverage of Anna Nicole's death has also overshadowed the vindication of everyone's favorite grandmother/Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. Yesterday, sad excuse for a newspaper The Washington Times, accused Pelosi of demanding a military plane that can take her non-stop from D.C. to her home district in San Francisco. Meanwhile, prominent Republicans have blasted her for having an "arrogance of office that just defies common sense." Rep. Pat McHenry, of North Carolina complained that "Pelosi's abuse of power continues...now she's exploiting America's armed forces and taxpayers for her own personal convenience." Today, we have learned that, in actuality, the House of Representatives' Sergeant at Arms requested the plane "for security reasons."

The Common Man is happy about this development for two reasons. 1) It makes pompous windbags look ridiculous, and that always makes The Common Man happy. 2) The Common Man is glad that the #2 person in the line of succession for the Presidency, on her way back to Washington, won't have to stop in Chicago, Denver, or Atlanta to refuel with the rest of us. The Common Man does not know what is in the luggage of Madame Speaker, but does not want sensitive documents pilfered while Madame Speaker runs from Terminal A to Terminal C to catch her really tight connection, as The Common Man's bags were stolen off the tarmac in Detroit in 2002. Anyway, the rancor and venom of the partisan politics of accusation anger The Common Man, and he hopes you hear it and are angered too.

But The Common Man feels sick because, with the death of Anna Nicole Smith, chances are that these stories will not get the coverage they deserve, for our media has decided (perhaps correctly) that we'd rather speculate about the death of a woman who leaves almost no mark upon the world (unless celeb-reality TV in which crazy celebrities get followed by camera crews who film them acting crazy constitutes a mark) and who really wasn't that famous anyway (or at least shouldn't have been) than look at the domestic and international political events that will continue to shape our country and our world for the forseeable future.