The Common Man just found out. According to Stephen Colbert and astro-physicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson, apparently the scientific community has chosen to ignore The Common Man's decree that the new planet be called The Common Mania. Instead, they've chosen to call it either Gliese 581-c (after the star it revolves around) or New Earth. Look, The Common Man loves Stephen Colbert and considers him the funniest man on television today. That said, he cannot help but be more than a little disappointed in Colbert, who he knows would support The Common Man's bold, decisive, and self-congratulatory move to name the planet after himself. It is a far grander idea than Colbert's recent push to get a bridge in Hungary named after him. As for those scientists, The Common Man calls on any and all readers to talk to any scientists that they know in order to lay the foundation for The Common Man's grassroots effort to undermine "New Earth" and Gliese 581-c.
Of course, all of this could be moot The Boy gets to this planet and finds out that someone is already living there and has named it. Obviously, any inhabitants will have to die in order to ensure the immortality of The Common Man and his name. Sorry. That's just the way things work in the real world(s).
Showing posts with label new planet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new planet. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Friday, April 27, 2007
Forward and Back
Only one more week to go until the end of the semester here, and The Common Man is looking forward to getting back to blogging four times a week. That said, The Common Man could not stay silent any longer, particularly in light of the recent news cycles.
Now, The Common Man often wonders about the nature of the universe. You know, why we're here? Where did here come from? What existed before there was "something?" These are common questions, of course, asked and answered by countless human beings since the dawn of consciousness and higher level thought. Once man moved beyond wondering where his next meal was going to come from, he turned to questions about his own existence and prayed that that existence had some kind of higher meaning, that we weren't all alone.
Recently, Bill O'Reilly tackled this difficult and complicated series of questions with his usual "bull in a china shop" style, completely oversimplifying the issue and his "throwin' in with Jesus" in his debate with noted atheist Richard Hawkins and it got The Common Man thinking about the possibility of God and the beginning of things.
The Common Man, for once, agrees with O'Reilly (almost as disturbing as the time, recently, when The Common Man agreed with Geraldo Rivera). Simply saying that science explains how the universe got the way it is doesn't explain where a big ball of matter and energy that exploded in a big bang came from in the first place.
Naturally, as The Common Man pondered on the beginning of the universe, he thought about the end. Indeed, as the world becomes increasingly violent and polluted, it's as though life on this planet is rushing toward some kind of windshield, on which we'll all be splattered.
Indeed, signs abound around us. For instance, theologians believe that, when the world ends, the dead will rise and walk among us (George Romero will be out of a job at that point, The Common Man is afraid). Lo and behold, on Wednesday night, this happened on American Idol.
For now, let's leave aside the fact that Celine Dion has the balls to think that she should be allowed to sing with Elvis. And let's put aside the lunacy of American Idol producers thinking their remaining Idol contestants should even be allowed on a stage that The King has graced. But what the video confirms is that the dead do walk again. They are among you. Indeed, one of them is even singing with a CGI hologram of Elvis Presley (hold for laughter).
Anyway, if this is indeed the End Times on this planet, it's nice to know that, now, humanity has some place to go. Though scientists don't yet know whether this new world already has life (don't worry, if it does have life, I'm sure someone will be able to kill it), or if it even has water, The Common Man remains confident that they will work out all the details before everyone needs to abandon ship. That said, the new planet, let's call it The Common Mania, is smaller than this one, so not everyone will get to go. Only the best and the brightest and the most necessary will be sent along to preserve the human species. And when that day comes, The Common Man (and The Uncommon Wife) will undoubtedly be too old to be of much use to anyone. So they will be left behind. But The Boy still has a chance. That's why it's time for him to stop chewing on his toes and start doing some calculus. The Common Man's legacy must live on!
Now, The Common Man often wonders about the nature of the universe. You know, why we're here? Where did here come from? What existed before there was "something?" These are common questions, of course, asked and answered by countless human beings since the dawn of consciousness and higher level thought. Once man moved beyond wondering where his next meal was going to come from, he turned to questions about his own existence and prayed that that existence had some kind of higher meaning, that we weren't all alone.
Recently, Bill O'Reilly tackled this difficult and complicated series of questions with his usual "bull in a china shop" style, completely oversimplifying the issue and his "throwin' in with Jesus" in his debate with noted atheist Richard Hawkins and it got The Common Man thinking about the possibility of God and the beginning of things.
The Common Man, for once, agrees with O'Reilly (almost as disturbing as the time, recently, when The Common Man agreed with Geraldo Rivera). Simply saying that science explains how the universe got the way it is doesn't explain where a big ball of matter and energy that exploded in a big bang came from in the first place.
Naturally, as The Common Man pondered on the beginning of the universe, he thought about the end. Indeed, as the world becomes increasingly violent and polluted, it's as though life on this planet is rushing toward some kind of windshield, on which we'll all be splattered.
Indeed, signs abound around us. For instance, theologians believe that, when the world ends, the dead will rise and walk among us (George Romero will be out of a job at that point, The Common Man is afraid). Lo and behold, on Wednesday night, this happened on American Idol.
For now, let's leave aside the fact that Celine Dion has the balls to think that she should be allowed to sing with Elvis. And let's put aside the lunacy of American Idol producers thinking their remaining Idol contestants should even be allowed on a stage that The King has graced. But what the video confirms is that the dead do walk again. They are among you. Indeed, one of them is even singing with a CGI hologram of Elvis Presley (hold for laughter).
Anyway, if this is indeed the End Times on this planet, it's nice to know that, now, humanity has some place to go. Though scientists don't yet know whether this new world already has life (don't worry, if it does have life, I'm sure someone will be able to kill it), or if it even has water, The Common Man remains confident that they will work out all the details before everyone needs to abandon ship. That said, the new planet, let's call it The Common Mania, is smaller than this one, so not everyone will get to go. Only the best and the brightest and the most necessary will be sent along to preserve the human species. And when that day comes, The Common Man (and The Uncommon Wife) will undoubtedly be too old to be of much use to anyone. So they will be left behind. But The Boy still has a chance. That's why it's time for him to stop chewing on his toes and start doing some calculus. The Common Man's legacy must live on!
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